I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
