the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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