yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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