she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize