what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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