$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
