I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my being single is dangerous.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
