She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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