A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
