Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
