A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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