i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
