I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Enjoy the penises
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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