I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
