I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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