RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
