I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
