He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
wow bdsm is so cute
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