Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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