I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
