OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
