i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize