They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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