my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
