I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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