am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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