So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
