Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
