in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
