Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
