why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
