I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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