Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
