It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
