The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
