btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
