don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
