A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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