All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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