The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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