I wanna passion pit in your ass
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
