she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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