He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize