I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
