Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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