I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you didnt know i had herpes?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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