So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
