dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
