And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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