so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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