I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
