drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
