I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
