I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
