He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
