I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
