Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
