Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Vodka?
Forever.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
