this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
