She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
