Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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