She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
