i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Randomize
