so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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