i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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