shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
