Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
