Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
