i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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