During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just google imaged poop.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
