If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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