This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
