I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
